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The day I got Stuck In My Car. 
The day I got stuck in my car,
Was really a day so bizzare,
The handle just jammed,
and the seats were just crammed,
With the shopping I'd gleaned from afar.
The week before Christmas you see,
I tried opening up with the key,
But nothing would work..
Though I gave it a jerk,
I just could not get myself free.
I decided my exit was nigh..
Through the passengers door I would try,
But would you know my luck..
my coat pocket got stuck,
and the wheel gripped my large inner thigh.
My shoe on the peddle wedged tight,
I began my incredible fight,
As I looked at the window,
Would I fit with a limbo ?
And with horror envisaged the sight.
No..the passengers door it would be,
As I turned and manoevered my knee,
Twenty minutes has passed
And they felt like my last,
As I struggled to get myself free.
So - when would my family know?
When my car just gets buried in snow?
When the dinner was late?
Would they bring me a plate?
I was hoping that someone would show.
At last, the door handle in grasp,
My fingers around it did clasp,
With an almighty wrench,
My teeth I did clench,
And let out a whimpering gasp.
I was free as a bird once again,
With a minimal tasting of pain,
So my dignity intact...
And no parcels were cracked,
And hardly a bruise or a strain.
I've thought since about this event,
And tried very hard to invent,
To avoid a repeat,
An ejector seat...
With a gentler and kinder descent.
But from now, I did firmly decide,
I will lower the roof for the ride,
When the door sticks next time
I shall feel so sublime,
As I bail swiftly, right over the side.
The Bliss of Turkey 
Christmas day has come and gone,
And now it's New Years Eve,
And I have a small dilemma..
Which I hardly can believe.
I've cooked the turkey roasted,
We had that on Christmas day,
We've tasted turkey sandwiches
At the boxing day buffet.
Turkey on a bed of rice,
Turkey in red wine,
Basted turkey fricassee,
we sure know how to dine!
Turkey broiled and turkey stewed,
Cold turkey served with fries,
Turkey breast and turkey drums
And even turkey thighs.
Turkey diced and turkey sliced,
And turkey salad too,
And now it's got to New years Eve
And I dont know what to do!
A final dish I need to serve
'Fore the turkey says goodbye...
Ah, I know what we haven't had-
Good 'ole Turkey pie!
The Modern Appliance.
So many new inventions Of a technical type age, Just fill me with frustration And an ever mounting
rage. I want to learn to use them The 'phone and microwave, But honestly, for such a time, I now feel like their
slave. I have a phone that's clever, Plays music while I walk. But what I cannot fathom out Is what
I press to talk. We have the latest DVD The VCR must go, But how I'll ever watch a film, For sure, I just don't
know. The microwave is brilliant, It can boil, and nuke and roast, But still I'm trying to work it out, How does
it cook the toast? The 'puter I can manage, To that I am " related", In fact I can cope very well, 'Til Windows
is updated. The satellite now has a disk, On which you can record, But trying now to work this out, Just leaves
me weak and bored. So now I only watch the news, For I know it's on at nine, And I don't need to tape the thing So
that works out just fine. Remote controls - another thing, So many buttons now, One for music, one for films, Rewind,
fast forward...slow. I often yearn for simpler days And want them back again, A 'phone that plugs into the wall, A
notebook and a pen. But Sci-fi it is here to stay, Of that there's no denying, So I'll just sit and work it out, And
laugh, ........or end up crying.
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An upper respiratory tract infection
I visited the doctors thinking I'd need a huge injection,
Instead it turned out to be upper respiratory tract infection.
Antibiotics and rest is the order of the day,
In order to make these symptoms very quickly go away.
I dont feel much like cooking, doing dishes, laundry too,
In fact it feels akin, to a super dose of flu.
I haven't had a cigarette since December thirty-first,
I do not miss the nicotine, to smell it makes me worse.
I know I have ahead of me a huge and nasty battle,
As breathing in, and breathing out, my chest does surely rattle.
It's affected all my plans, my future hopes and aims,
For entering this summer in our own Olympic Games ;-)
It's hard to find the energy, it simply must be said,
When all I want to do is just curl up in my bed.
So I'll keep taking the tablets, and hope they ease my sorrow..
I will resume my training...well...maybe come tomorrow...
3rd January 2012
We're Being Hoodwinked. 
I discovered something yesterday
which caused me some concern,
I fear we're being hoodwinked
By some weird recycling firm.
They collect up polystyrene
From packaging T.Vs
And then repackage all this stuff
And sell it back to me..
Little bits of cardboard,
They cover it with flavour,
And package it as popcorn,
For us to eat and savour.
It squeaks when you are chewing it
Just like polystyrene would
They disguise it all with butter
so folks really think it's food!
No more shall I recycle
These polystyrene blocks,
Incase they sell it back to me
As popcorn in a box.
And if I send a parcel
Something delicate to go-
I'll pack it full of popcorn,
No one else would ever know!
My Baggage blew up on the runway. 
My Baggage blew up on the runway,
I'd packed far too much it is true,
Sweaters and slacks, and loads of nick naks,
And an outfit in every bright hue.
My Baggage blew up on the runway,
I thought it was too strong to fail,
The wheels wouldnt turn, so I later did learn,
When I bought it at Tescos great sale.
My Baggage blew up on the runway,
The wind blew my t shirts away,
My shorts ended up in Caracas,
And my knickers I just couldn't say.
My Baggage blew up on the runway,
My pride surely took a great fall,
But a lesson I've learned for the next time,
I'll pack toothbrush and socks..and that's ALL.
The Spider In The Hall. 
"Oh please do not destroy me",
Said the spider in the hall,
To me who must have seemed to him,
Powerfully tall.
"I have a wife and little ones,
which number eighty eight,
Already I must seem to them,
Disasterously late".
His great big eyes just stared at me,
So filled with fear, it's true,
I really didn't have the heart,
To squash him with my shoe.
"I promise I'll be on my way,
If you will grant me life -
Eternal thanks will rest with you,
From offsrping and the wife".
"I do not want to harm you",
With sincerity I said -
But Meg, my pup, leapt out at him,
And swallowed him instead.
My New Toothbrush  I have a new - fangled toothbrush, It's a wizzardry of science,It's the envy of the neighbourhood..The most magical appliance.It tells me if I brush too hard,Or even for too long,It tells me if I get it rightOr sometimes get it wrong.With flashing lights and buzzing soundsIt could be quite alarming....But when I'm done, as all can see- The smile I have is charming!
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